Dear Child One and Child Two:
Please, I want you to stop. Stop bickering. Stop trying to prove how much cooler you are, how much stuff you know, how much stuff the other one doesn't know.
I promise that when you get older these things won't seem as important as they do now.
In the meantime, for the sake of your mother's sanity, please refer to this: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. This is something that will serve you well into adulthood. You might as well get on it now.
Love,
Mom
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