Don't let my dog lick you. No, seriously. I wouldn't.

Hi. I'm Mr. Cat. FYI people: if you leave half eaten cereal on the kitchen table, I will eat it all and then yak all over your carpet. Which you thought was as gross as it could be, until you were wrong. Because cat puke is another level of nasty. You're welcome. 'Cuz I'm pretty. Hey there! It's me, Lola. I was the queen of the castle until you brought that fluffy thing here. I had to think a while before I figured out how to punish you for that. And the sweater. So now I eat cat poop. Pretty much every day. It's awesome. And hey, at least I eat my puke!