Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Don't break my balls!

The ultimate goal of parenting is to raise independent people who are kind and self-sufficient. Or at least something close to that.

Hunter this morning told me that the shirt I'd set out for him smelled like puke. What this really means is that he doesn't like it. He doesn't think he can just say, "Hey this shirt sucks, I'm going to get another." Instead he makes up some fact that he knows will be unreasonable to contradict. His circular, passive-aggressive thinking drives me insane. Instead of having this conversation yet again, I sighed and told him to get another.

Meadow was wearing flip flops this morning. School rules won't allow flip flops at school. I think it may be an OSHA rule, I don't know. This is a conversation I have had with her 80 billion times. No joke. So this morning when I reminded her that it's a school rule, not my rule, she again took to arguing with me. Yes, me. About the rule. I sighed and asked her to please just put tennis shoes on.

I love my kids. There are so many wonderful things about being a parent. But there are also things that suck the life out of you. Like when you want to raise these independent people, but no one tells you that the path to get them there is really irritating. You want them to look at you with some sort of gratitude, instead you get these looks that say, "I guess you should have thought about that before you spawned us." Yes, I suppose I should have. But babies are so mushy and cute!

It's really funny when a toddler picks up something completely inappropriate from a commercial and repeats it loudly and often. If you've seen any previews to TLC's Cake Boss, the New Jersey cake boss says, "Don't break my balls!" to one of his employees. Why River picked that particular part of the commercial to hold onto, I don't know. Listening to him repeat it over and over is one of the funniest things EVER. Really. So when I'm exhausted from running around after River at a BBQ, I am also acutely aware that he still thinks I'm awesome and that this time is short. I'm going to hold on to that for as long as he'll let me.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Humbling tips for job hunting

When applying for a job after basically going to school and being a mom for 10+ years, be prepared to lose control of your bowels when they say "Please provide four professional references, at least 2 direct managers."

Do the kids count? (Because I am totally River's bitch.)

Wish me luck!

**Wait. I don't think I want the older ones to review my performance. They have a distorted vision of reality and what does and does not constitute "meanest mommy EVER".

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

small talk

dropped river off today and witnessed this conversation:

alex, i had a bath!

you did?!

yeah! smell my hair, alex! smell my hair!


it smells good!


alex! smell my hair!



Monday, May 11, 2009

**something profane, yet charming** (if you know of such a word, let me know)

This is what life is like in our house right now:
  • Holy mother of stomach ailments, i think we has the piggy flu here
  • Yes, I am aware there are all kinds of things wrong with that last bullet point (see first and second bullets and then ponder how much I care)

Huh. I guess that's it. Back in a week or so:)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Wow, I suck. **updated**

So I'm trying to figure out why Meadow is crying about something she didn't like on her field trip and I say something like, "Seriously. Did you get hurt? Because if you didn't I just can't imagine what you could possibly have to cry about on a field trip."

They made her look at a dissected frog. That used to be alive. And that made her sad enough she still can't talk about it without crying.

Wow, I suck.

**Later, when Meadow was explaining to Mike about the frog she said this:

"They SAID they use a company who looks for dead frogs, AKA they totally kill frogs."

Is it wrong that I love that I've raised such a good little skeptic?**