Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
- Did you know that the MOST AWFUL thing ever when you're 8 is to discover you don't need glasses!?
- I thought it would be many, many years before I heard, "I freaking hate you mommy!"
- I was wrong.
- The offender didn't say freaking.
- My parenting skillz are tops. Clearly.
- Hunter is playing the drums.
- We don't even have xanax yet.
- I made the Dean's list while I had the shingles.
- Student skills > parenting skills.
- Mike is seriously the best hubby ever.
- He helps SO much so I can do school and work.
- I still love my job.
- I haven't yet located the cord to transfer pictures.
- I still haven't looked.
- I have purchased 1 Halloween costume.
- Still need to get 2.
- Anybody know where I can find a hippie 'fro?
- What the hell is a hippie 'fro?
- The Broncos are surprisingly enjoyable so far.
- I'm out.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
So we're all back to school. I still LOVE my job. So much I wish I could just be done with school and work. It's so much freakin fun I can't stand it.
So here's a tidbit. It's the best I can do today.
River: You're not my favorite. I like Daddy better.
Me: O yeah?
River: Yep. Cuz you don't like fishies. Daddy does. Daddy's my favorite.
Me: Oh. Well that's true. I don't like fishies.
River: I like Daddy more.
Me: Yep. He's pretty cool.
*he really is*
Friday, August 14, 2009
River is potty trained! We just went to big kid underwear and said this is how it's going to be. And it worked, which was weird. But cool.
I am unprepared to suffer the consequences of doing the same thing with the paci. It's much louder than some wet or dirty underwear. I am not a fan of loud. At all.
Bigs are back in school and happy. Fifth and third grade. Whoa.
I go back in about a week for the last year of classroom work. After that it's just rotations. So exciting!
Mike gets pulled over with the kids in the car. He may have been going too fast. Shocking, I know.
Cop is asking all of the usual stuff and Meadow pipes up from the back: Daddy, are you going to jail again?
[only funny because she didn't do it to me]
Cop says aggressively: Why would she say that sir? Is there something you need to tell me?
Mike is stuck because, hello, she's a kid and who knows why she said it?! Obviously not based on anything real. She's a kid. They say STUPID stuff. All the time.
Cop came back and gave Mike a warning. Maybe because he was rude after Meadow said that. Who knows.
Either way, funny story.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I haven't felt inspired to write anything lately. Combination of busy and, well, little inspiration I guess.
I have purchased a new camera card - so pictures should follow at some point. Although we went camping this weekend and I totally forgot to bring the camera. I'm thoughtful like that.
Anyway, more soon:)
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Lots of time at work.
Garden has not survived the hail storms. Neither did the roof. Or one of the tvs. Or the gazebo.
On the list of things to do - buy a camera card, sleep, meal planning, get stuff for the 4th!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
New job: awesome
Feet: not used to standing for 8+ hours
Mike: rocking dinner and bedtime duty while I train at new job (he's the best!)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
This also presents the husband with an opportunity to undo all the good I had done teaching the toddler to say, "What the rabbit!" Now my child delights in saying, "What the hail!" (Incidentally, this just makes it sound like he's swearing with a southern accent.)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hunter - "Meadow is totally capsized by all that stuff in the girly aisle."
We think he meant captivated.
Meadow - "I want to be a therapist. With a an evil laugh. A sort of evil-y, therapist-y combo."
River (to his mom, while angry, during a diaper change) - "Whatever dude!"
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tomorrow is the big bigs last day at school.
I need to buy another picture memory card so you all can have regular picture updates again.
I made more than 50 water balloons with River today for Hunter's last day party. It was wet.
I landed that job, so the kids must've given me good reviews. *lol* I am SO excited about it. It's kind of perfect for me. I probably can't say much about it - I'll see if they say anything next week during orientation.
Oh! But I totally get to wear scrubs. *unabashed glee*
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
And then there's the part where I seriously suck.
When Hunter was little he learned how to swear. Because he listened to his mother. Yes, I talk like a sailor. It was really funny for a while, but we imagined that it was probably not appropriate and would stop being cute as he got older. Since Hunter and Meadow were so close in age, we never had to un-teach her because I curbed my filthy mouth and she just didn't pick that stuff up.
When they got older, I returned to my blue-streak because, well, I love me some swear words. I know, I'm awful... blah, blah, blah. But you give me a word that rolls off the tongue and has the impact of a good f-bomb and I will convert. **Warning: Justification coming!** Besides, sooner or later they will hear these words and not be allowed to use them, might as well learn the difference in a friendly environment.
So River has started using some pretty colorful language as of late. *shocked horror*
We've tried ignoring it. (After some seriously wrong laughing fits.) We've tried distraction. We've tried giving him alternatives and then laugh hysterically when he says something benign. (Apparently he can gets the difference between sincere laughter and controlled fake laughter.)
The point, I guess, is that I actually am starting to have some remorse here.
See, when you stub your toe and say, "Son of a... (see toddler, remember new pledge, insert new word) fairy toe!" And then he says the following: "Son of a bitch mom, son of a bitch." And then you don't laugh and you say, "No, that's not funny dude." And then he says, **okay, this is really embarrassing and a little shameful so, um, well laugh or something instead of being horrified. because i am HORRIFIED. especially because i totally realize that it's all my fault.** "Fucking bullshit."
And then my eyes popped out of my head and I ignored him and looked at my husband and said, "Did he just say what I think he said?!" And he nodded.
So, one of my worst attributes is being mirrored in a huge way. And I'm going to have to just grow up and quit talking like that.
I thought I was going to be able to sum this up with a funny swear or something, but honestly, I'm so ashamed that he has heard that combo enough to use it spontaneously and in the correct context that I just don't think I can. Because it's not funny.
**Here comes another obnoxious, possibly shameful mocking tone. Really, I just can't help myself.**
So I guess there's only one thing left to do. I have to admit I have a problem.
Hi, I'm Sunshine. And I'm a swearaholic.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Anyway, we saw her again this weekend. In all her bikini glory. Here's the thing. It's all tan. And you know, it's not like people don't know you've got extra cushion just because it's covered up. We're not blind. She's never tugging at her tankini when she gets out of the water so it doesn't hug so tightly. She's just out there. And I think it's awesome.
In comparison, we saw a much thinner woman who was... pornographic. If you have on a bikini bottom that only barely covers the top portion of your hind end and the bottom portion then comes together in a way that says, "Holy crack, somebody lost their bottoms!" It's not okay. I don't care how thin you are, I don't ever want to see that much crack. It's not like it was incidental low-riding peeks at crack. It was intentional, full-on crack. Not cool. And she was wondering around the toddler area. Seriously, not cool.
So, for the record: fat=okay; crack=bad.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Hunter this morning told me that the shirt I'd set out for him smelled like puke. What this really means is that he doesn't like it. He doesn't think he can just say, "Hey this shirt sucks, I'm going to get another." Instead he makes up some fact that he knows will be unreasonable to contradict. His circular, passive-aggressive thinking drives me insane. Instead of having this conversation yet again, I sighed and told him to get another.
Meadow was wearing flip flops this morning. School rules won't allow flip flops at school. I think it may be an OSHA rule, I don't know. This is a conversation I have had with her 80 billion times. No joke. So this morning when I reminded her that it's a school rule, not my rule, she again took to arguing with me. Yes, me. About the rule. I sighed and asked her to please just put tennis shoes on.
I love my kids. There are so many wonderful things about being a parent. But there are also things that suck the life out of you. Like when you want to raise these independent people, but no one tells you that the path to get them there is really irritating. You want them to look at you with some sort of gratitude, instead you get these looks that say, "I guess you should have thought about that before you spawned us." Yes, I suppose I should have. But babies are so mushy and cute!
It's really funny when a toddler picks up something completely inappropriate from a commercial and repeats it loudly and often. If you've seen any previews to TLC's Cake Boss, the New Jersey cake boss says, "Don't break my balls!" to one of his employees. Why River picked that particular part of the commercial to hold onto, I don't know. Listening to him repeat it over and over is one of the funniest things EVER. Really. So when I'm exhausted from running around after River at a BBQ, I am also acutely aware that he still thinks I'm awesome and that this time is short. I'm going to hold on to that for as long as he'll let me.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Do the kids count? (Because I am totally River's bitch.)
Wish me luck!
**Wait. I don't think I want the older ones to review my performance. They have a distorted vision of reality and what does and does not constitute "meanest mommy EVER".
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
- AHHH! OMG! FINALS!
- Holy mother of stomach ailments, i think we has the piggy flu here
- Yes, I am aware there are all kinds of things wrong with that last bullet point (see first and second bullets and then ponder how much I care)
Huh. I guess that's it. Back in a week or so:)
Monday, May 4, 2009
They made her look at a dissected frog. That used to be alive. And that made her sad enough she still can't talk about it without crying.
Wow, I suck.
**Later, when Meadow was explaining to Mike about the frog she said this:
"They SAID they use a company who looks for dead frogs, AKA they totally kill frogs."
Is it wrong that I love that I've raised such a good little skeptic?**
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Now for a completely unrelated story:
Hunter came up last night and asked us to look at his eye because he had a gray line across it. Mike took Hunter's glasses off and said, "Dude, you just need to clean your glasses." I heard Hunter reply, "Oh, because I heard that a gray line in your eye was a sign of cancer."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
You seem like lately you've been losing your mind a little bit.
When you do things like POOP on the bed, it makes it hard to defend you. You know, it's a bed. The one we SLEEP in. Now, while I'm grateful that you made it happen on Mike's side, there is also a limit as to how much I can protect you.
So to be clear: Don't EVER poop on the bed again. M'kay?
The one who protects you.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
We just went to dinner and this is why I don't like to eat out with my kids:
- River spilled my water.
- River doesn't like to sit.
- River likes to touch everything he shouldn't.
- River is loud.
- Hunter won't sit still.
- Like, I asked him to sit down at least 4 times.
- The kids always want ridiculous drinks and protest loudly when I say no.
- Hunter shoved too much food in his mouth and puked at the table.
- No, really, puked. At the table. While I was eating. Next to him.
- River asked to go potty.
- Then he came back to the table and yelled "I just peed in my pants!"
- I'm sure there were more things, but those are the highlights.
I wish, desperately, that I had a secret blog. It would have great stuff on it. (Just like that sentence there...great...stuff.) I'd tell you the titles, but I'm pretty sure even the titles are too racy/inappropriate/outrageous.
In five short weeks I will be enjoying my last summer vacation. I can't wait!
We're asking our kids if they've ever kissed anybody because I heard one of their classmates had already french kissed. FRENCH KISSED. (I'm not sure if you know this or not, but my capacity to be the parent of a teenager is... well, I'm just not ready yet.)
Oprah had a show about the sex talk and there was talk of vibrators for teenage girls. And I am SO NOT THERE.
Meadow said the other day in the car that Hunter should "really try to sleep as much as possible so you don't have to realize the horrible nightmare your life has become". And I said "Where did that come from?" And she said "Chowder". Which is a cartoon I let my kids watch. Clearly, I should be more selective.
Oprah had a show about single Dads and there was a guy whose wife died a day after she gave birth to their first child. And then all my bitching and pseudo-problems seemed so very small.
So, to sum it all up, life is good and irritating and good and hard and good and weird and good and funny and good and scary. (But mostly good.)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Come here NOW please.
Come here or I will come get you.
Fine. I'm going to get you then.
I'm going to lay you down now...
I don't like you! I want to punch you in the face!
(How do you not laugh at that? He's what we like to call, um, expressive.)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
River is potty training.
Which means he runs around naked. A lot. He was doing his business today and then he grabbed his water bottle and asked me for some water. I said no, and asked him to finish pottying. He is easily distracted and went from the potty to the bottle and the sink and back to the potty and so on. Then I turned around and saw him putting his, um, hose in the bottle. I suppose to fill it?! The conversation that followed went something like this:
"Dude! You can't potty in that! Go put your pants on!"
"I need some water!"
"Because you just put your penis in it."
Just another thing, in an increasing large list of things, that I NEVER pictured myself saying.
So Jay Cutler and Josh McDaniels and Pat Bowlen all SUCK. This stupid situation is, well, lose-lose for everyone. I wish I could tie them all together in a room and make them stay in there until they get along and figure things out.
How do these things connect?
Well, this morning I was trying to think of all the things that might not suck about Jay Cutler getting traded. This is what I came up with:
- He kinda looks like one of my nephews and I like to have crushes on our QBs. I can't have a crush on anyone that resembles a nephew. There are some lines even I can't cross.
- I was happy for Greenie (Mike Greenberg of EPSN's Mike & Mike in the morning) because the Jets might get Cutler and Greenie loves the Jets and he kind of loves Cutler. That's right, I was happy for my imaginary radio friend. Like - that was one of my up-sides to this stupid crappy situation.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I get to go first and he follows politely behind. Still, it annoys me that he steals my birthday month. (Not really, but go with me here for a minute.)
Here is a multiple choice question for you:
In order to steal my husband's birthday thunder I _______________.
a. Wrecked my car.
b. Got the shingles.
c. Golfed a hole in one.
So, if I'm guessing it seems like A is the most likely. B and C seem equally ridiculous.
When in doubt, always go with B.
That's right. I've got the mother effing shingles.
Apparently, the warranty has run out and I forgot to re-up.
Getting old rocks.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
It was the class where we all have to give presentations and we ususally have about three each week. There's a quiz afterwards to make sure you were listening. At any rate, I thought she could probably manage to sit through it without drawing too much attention to the fact that THERE'S A CHILD IN A COLLEGE CLASSROOM! (Although truthfully, people were fascinated by her presence and she was all, "Why are they starring at me?" and I was all, "Um, cuz you're short." Which, apparently pissed her off. *sigh* And writing all this makes me wonder if they'll print out blog posts when they're at the shrink's office as proof of what they went through. But, WHATEVER.)
We got through the first two which were about heat stroke and something else super boring. And then the last one was about hemorrhoids. The presenter used phrases like "anal itching" and "anal leakage". So Meadow writes me a note that says: "What is she talking about?" And I write back: "Butt problems." And she writes back: "I wish I didn't ask." And then I totally didn't laugh, which I think means I win some sort of prize.
And that's what I did last Wednesday.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
This is what we are used to. This is what we are currently using.
In case you ever need to cut costs. May I suggest cutting back from triple ply to double. Going to single ply is... painful.
You know, I'm here to help.
Okay, maybe not the plague. But certainly something close.
Random thoughts to entertain you while I suck down some more meds:
Mike: Dude, you are so irritating.
Me: (cackling) I know!
Me: (again, after more laughing) I think it's really bad because I don't care! (More laughing)
Meadow: That was like, so re-donkulous.
(I have no idea what she was talking about, but it was funny.)
River: Mom, can I have a pass? (Pacifier)
Me: Nope, it's not naptime.
River: Mom, can I have a pass?
Me: Not yet.
River: Mom, can I have a pass?
Me: No bud, it's not naptime.
River: Mom, can I have a pass?
River: Mom, can I have a pass?
Mike: Can you take that from her? (the dog)
Me: What does she have?
Mike: Dirty tissue.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Apparently, he's not big on the concept of "LAST".
Anyway, in case you were wondering how to get a toddler to totally forget you don't have what they want...
Offer them whip cream with chocolate sauce on top.
It's quiet now:)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I think that's like, you know, driving impaired or something.
Basically, it's phenomenally stupid.
This was on sale for like, eight bucks or something.
Holy balls is it delicious.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Last semester, somehow, we were spared this particular humiliation.
I just completed a 10-12 minute presentation yesterday. So today I watched the video and completed that self-evaluation.
I am horrified by a variety of things - although I must honestly say that I did a very good job overall. But here's the other part. I am struck now by an on-going loop of a Friends episode where they are watching a high-school video of prom or something. Someone is shocked at how big Monica was and she defends herself by declaring that the camera adds 10 pounds. Chandler, of course, delivers then the line "How many cameras are ON you?"
How many cameras were on me!?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Getting back into the groove of school.
The kids have been just awesome lately - saying all kinds of funny things. None of which I can remember whenever I sit down to type. But seriously funny. I remember laughing.
I'm working like mad this week so I can enjoy SuperBowl Weekend. Somehow, we don't have an exam on Monday so I can actually enjoy. Whoa!
I will try to take pictures on the weekend.
That is all.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
I start school again tomorrow. This means I will miss seeing the inauguration. Boo hiss.
President Obama is taking charge tomorrow! Woo-hoo!!!
I don't know how this will change in years to come... but 7 and 8 year old boys never made me want to claw my eyes out or drink all the liquor in the house. This is exactly the opposite reaction I have to the same aged girls. There's just something about the pitch of their voices... or something. OMG.
My dog smells.
I have been spoiled. I like being spoiled. I miss my 8 bazillion channels and daily coffee from Starbucks. Things could be much, much worse and they are not. For that I am grateful. This does not preclude my twinges of sadness about being spoiled.
I have no pictures today.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Anyway, here's my little goofball:
Discovering the joys of the game boy.