Thursday, April 30, 2009
Now for a completely unrelated story:
Hunter came up last night and asked us to look at his eye because he had a gray line across it. Mike took Hunter's glasses off and said, "Dude, you just need to clean your glasses." I heard Hunter reply, "Oh, because I heard that a gray line in your eye was a sign of cancer."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
You seem like lately you've been losing your mind a little bit.
When you do things like POOP on the bed, it makes it hard to defend you. You know, it's a bed. The one we SLEEP in. Now, while I'm grateful that you made it happen on Mike's side, there is also a limit as to how much I can protect you.
So to be clear: Don't EVER poop on the bed again. M'kay?
The one who protects you.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
We just went to dinner and this is why I don't like to eat out with my kids:
- River spilled my water.
- River doesn't like to sit.
- River likes to touch everything he shouldn't.
- River is loud.
- Hunter won't sit still.
- Like, I asked him to sit down at least 4 times.
- The kids always want ridiculous drinks and protest loudly when I say no.
- Hunter shoved too much food in his mouth and puked at the table.
- No, really, puked. At the table. While I was eating. Next to him.
- River asked to go potty.
- Then he came back to the table and yelled "I just peed in my pants!"
- I'm sure there were more things, but those are the highlights.
I wish, desperately, that I had a secret blog. It would have great stuff on it. (Just like that sentence there...great...stuff.) I'd tell you the titles, but I'm pretty sure even the titles are too racy/inappropriate/outrageous.
In five short weeks I will be enjoying my last summer vacation. I can't wait!
We're asking our kids if they've ever kissed anybody because I heard one of their classmates had already french kissed. FRENCH KISSED. (I'm not sure if you know this or not, but my capacity to be the parent of a teenager is... well, I'm just not ready yet.)
Oprah had a show about the sex talk and there was talk of vibrators for teenage girls. And I am SO NOT THERE.
Meadow said the other day in the car that Hunter should "really try to sleep as much as possible so you don't have to realize the horrible nightmare your life has become". And I said "Where did that come from?" And she said "Chowder". Which is a cartoon I let my kids watch. Clearly, I should be more selective.
Oprah had a show about single Dads and there was a guy whose wife died a day after she gave birth to their first child. And then all my bitching and pseudo-problems seemed so very small.
So, to sum it all up, life is good and irritating and good and hard and good and weird and good and funny and good and scary. (But mostly good.)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Come here NOW please.
Come here or I will come get you.
Fine. I'm going to get you then.
I'm going to lay you down now...
I don't like you! I want to punch you in the face!
(How do you not laugh at that? He's what we like to call, um, expressive.)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
River is potty training.
Which means he runs around naked. A lot. He was doing his business today and then he grabbed his water bottle and asked me for some water. I said no, and asked him to finish pottying. He is easily distracted and went from the potty to the bottle and the sink and back to the potty and so on. Then I turned around and saw him putting his, um, hose in the bottle. I suppose to fill it?! The conversation that followed went something like this:
"Dude! You can't potty in that! Go put your pants on!"
"I need some water!"
"Because you just put your penis in it."
Just another thing, in an increasing large list of things, that I NEVER pictured myself saying.
So Jay Cutler and Josh McDaniels and Pat Bowlen all SUCK. This stupid situation is, well, lose-lose for everyone. I wish I could tie them all together in a room and make them stay in there until they get along and figure things out.
How do these things connect?
Well, this morning I was trying to think of all the things that might not suck about Jay Cutler getting traded. This is what I came up with:
- He kinda looks like one of my nephews and I like to have crushes on our QBs. I can't have a crush on anyone that resembles a nephew. There are some lines even I can't cross.
- I was happy for Greenie (Mike Greenberg of EPSN's Mike & Mike in the morning) because the Jets might get Cutler and Greenie loves the Jets and he kind of loves Cutler. That's right, I was happy for my imaginary radio friend. Like - that was one of my up-sides to this stupid crappy situation.