(Still) Laughing out loud

One of my exam questions today had a patient case and symptoms.

We had to correctly diagnose what was wrong with a 70 year old man.

He had shingles.

Not. Even. Kidding.

Laughing out loud...

Mike and I both turned 35 in the last week or so.

I get to go first and he follows politely behind. Still, it annoys me that he steals my birthday month. (Not really, but go with me here for a minute.)

Here is a multiple choice question for you:

In order to steal my husband's birthday thunder I _______________.

a. Wrecked my car.
b. Got the shingles.
c. Golfed a hole in one.

So, if I'm guessing it seems like A is the most likely. B and C seem equally ridiculous.

When in doubt, always go with B.

That's right. I've got the mother effing shingles.

Apparently, the warranty has run out and I forgot to re-up.

Getting old rocks.

Conversation

Mom, what's an ad?

It's an advertisement.

What's that?

An advertisement?

Yeah.

Um, it's what they make when they're trying to sell stuff to you.

[Curious look, clearly not getting it.]

It's like a commercial on paper.

Oh! Cool.

Proof that I think "SCHOOL IS IMPORTANT!"

So Meadow had to sit in one of my classes the other day because she was home sick and Mike had an interview and I am compulsively unable to skip class for almost any reason because OMG I pay a lot of money to be there. Right?

ANYWAY...

It was the class where we all have to give presentations and we ususally have about three each week. There's a quiz afterwards to make sure you were listening. At any rate, I thought she could probably manage to sit through it without drawing too much attention to the fact that THERE'S A CHILD IN A COLLEGE CLASSROOM! (Although truthfully, people were fascinated by her presence and she was all, "Why are they starring at me?" and I was all, "Um, cuz you're short." Which, apparently pissed her off. *sigh* And writing all this makes me wonder if they'll print out blog posts when they're at the shrink's office as proof of what they went through. But, WHATEVER.)

ANYWAY...

We got through the first two which were about heat stroke and something else super boring. And then the last one was about hemorrhoids. The presenter used phrases like "anal itching" and "anal leakage". So Meadow writes me a note that says: "What is she talking about?" And I write back: "Butt problems." And she writes back: "I wish I didn't ask." And then I totally didn't laugh, which I think means I win some sort of prize.

And that's what I did last Wednesday.

Oh Cottenelle... (we miss you!)

So we've made a lot of changes. One of those has been downgrading the toilet paper.

Big mistake.

This is what we are used to. This is what we are currently using.

In case you ever need to cut costs. May I suggest cutting back from triple ply to double. Going to single ply is... painful.

You know, I'm here to help.

A Quick Note

We have the plague here.

Okay, maybe not the plague. But certainly something close.

Random thoughts to entertain you while I suck down some more meds:

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Mike: Dude, you are so irritating.

Me: (cackling) I know!

Me: (again, after more laughing) I think it's really bad because I don't care! (More laughing)
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Meadow: That was like, so re-donkulous.

(I have no idea what she was talking about, but it was funny.)
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River: Mom, can I have a pass? (Pacifier)

Me: Nope, it's not naptime.

River: Mom, can I have a pass?

Me: Not yet.

River: Mom, can I have a pass?

Me: No bud, it's not naptime.

River: Mom, can I have a pass?

Me: No.

River: Mom, can I have a pass?

Me: (silence)
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Mike: Can you take that from her? (the dog)

Me: What does she have?

Mike: Dirty tissue.

Me: Gross.
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